The Midnight Angries

I've got the midnight angries tonight. It's this morning actually. As I write these words it is 1:49 am. I don't know what time it'll be when it's posted, because I don't know when I'll finish writing it. Even then, I'm not sure when, or if, I'm going back to bed.

So, what's got me so jacked up? It started when a man sent me an email decrying the high cost of gasoline and suggesting that if we Americans boycott Exxon-Mobil, we can bring oil prices down by 50% within a week or two.

Why would that make me angry? Good question. For one thing, I consider the price of gasoline in America a trivial concern. Compared to most of the world, we're not just rich, we're filthy rich. No other nation on the face of the earth is richer than we are. I'm a middle-class white guy in America. Almost everyone I know is middle class and white in America. We've got it made in the shade, and we're complaining about gasoline going up to $3.00 a gallon. What's $3 a gallon gasoline to a middle class white American? It's nothing.

I remember when I was in Vietnam, there was a program for sending Vietnamese officers to the States for training, and the Vietnamese were clamoring to get into that program because they got paid $400 a month while they were in the States. They saw that as the height of riches; that's how poor they were. I know because that's roughly what Uncle Sam was paying me to be in Vietnam at that time, and I was having trouble making ends meet back in the States.

But I wasn't poor like the Vietnamese were poor. I took running water and indoor plumbing as a matter of course. Believe it or not, in most of the world, it is not. Nor is electricity. We get all bent out of shape if the power goes off in a storm. Well in a lot of the world, there is no power to go off. Take a look at that pretty picture NASA did of the Earth at night, and you can see where the developed world is and where the "third world" is by the lights. Most of those dark areas are inhabited, but they're too poor to have electricity, except for the very rich who make their own.

And we blame the poor for being poor. And we complain about how hard our lives are, we white middle class Americans. Fetched any water lately? Fetched any water and been in mortal fear for your life? Have you done anything in your life lately that put you in mortal danger? Probably not. For all the bitchin' and moanin' we do about crime in America, we're a very safe country to live in. I can get in one of my cars right now (right away you know I ain't poor; I've got more than one working, road worthy vehicle) and head out in any direction from where I live here in the heartland of America and not have to fear robbers or bandits or highwaymen. Oh, I could be robbed or beaten or killed, but the odds, frankly, are against it.

Want to try that in Central or South America? How about Africa? Asia? Frankly, I wouldn't want to try it in any of those places. And most of the world's population lives there, not here.

People here are complaining about the price of gas, while forgetting (because it really doesn't touch them directly) that we're in a war. We're in two wars, actually: one in Afghanistan and one in Iraq. For convenience sake we call it a war on terror. Now war calls for sacrifice, doesn't it? That's why war should not be entered into lightly. So, what's the sacrifice, my fellow citizens? Gasoline is three dollars a gallon. That's such a small sacrifice when you think about what our parents (or grandparents) had to put up with in World War II. They had gasoline rationing, and price controls, and rationing on a whole host of items, including food.

Now let's take another look at that price of gasoline. What was the price of gas in 1970? That was before the oil crisis of the mid-seventies. I don't think we were paying fifty cents a gallon; it was probably more like 35 cents. To be on the safe side, let's use 40 cents a gallon as the price at the pump in 1970. And let's imagine that in the past 36 years (1970 to 2006) prices and wages have gone up, on average, 6% a year. Again, I don't have precise numbers in front of me, but I remember the double digit inflation of the 1970s and 80s, and I know inflation has been a lot lower in the last 15 or so years. So let's assume a six percent inflation for the past 36 years. Watch what happens to that 40 cent a gallon gas at 6% compounded over 36 years. (That means, by the way, that the price doubles every 12 years).

1970 $0.40
1982 $0.80
1994 $1.60
2006 $3.20

Guess what? That 40 cent a gallon gasoline that I was buying in 1970 should cost over $3 a gallon today!

Look, folks, the real deal is that we don't have any reason to be complaining. Especially if you're a middle class white guy like me. We've got it made compared to the rest of the world. Speaking for myself, I've got a nice house, two nice, running automobiles, two color televisions with cable, one digital video recorder, three Internet ready computers, hot and cold running water, 24/7 electricity (and water). I have heat in the winter and air conditioning in the summer, and I've got plenty of cheap food that I can get in safety 24 hours a day. What, pray tell, do I or any other white middle class American really have to complain about?

Frankly, it just seems selfish of me to complain about a little budgetary inconvenience when people are dying to get into this country to work at terrible jobs for terribly low pay and awful working and living conditions BECAUSE IT'S BETTER THAN ANYTHING THEY HAVE IN THEIR NATIVE COUNTRY. Am I so mean and selfish and greedy that all I care about is my own inconvenience?

And you know what? I could lose my job tomorrow, and I could lose my house and my cars and all the other stuff, and I would STILL be better off than most of the rest of the world. I'd rather be poor in America than anywhere else in the world.

You know, I love my country, and I love my fellow citizens. Americans are invariably first on the scene when there's a natural disaster in the world. We sent our Navy to the tsunami stricken areas of the world when no one else could get there, and we send people all over the world to help others in need. It is a source of justifiable pride in this country that we do so much for others when they're in need.

The shame is that we could do so much more if we weren't so selfish and self-centered. And I do not exclude myself from that. Readers of this blog can't help but notice how self-centered I am. I'm constantly focusing on my health and complaining about anyone and anything that interferes with my personal pursuit of happiness.

Yes, I live in a glass house, and I throw stones from time to time. But I don't hear anyone else telling people like me to count my blessings and do more for the less fortunate. I got no room to complain, and I don't think most middle class white Americans do either.

Dead Birds

Do pigeons (doves) pair-bond for life? I think they must, and the quick research I did on the Internet would seem to suggest that, but the information was not definitive.

I ask this because yesterday afternoon, I saw two pigeons acting strangely in the parking garage where I work. One was standing stock still as I came within three feet of it while the other did not fly away but simply walked, and none to steadily away. They were situated near a low wall in a relatively sheltered area of the garage, but they were also in an area that had a lot of pedestrian and vehicular traffic. I would think that the pedestrian traffic in particular would have made them unwilling to linger there, but it did not seem to.

I first saw them around 2:30 yesterday afternoon. When I saw them again, around 4:00 pm, as I was going home, one of them looked dead, but the other one was roosting next to it in a corner formed by a structural pillar and a wall, they were not more than three feet from there I had first seen them.

They were still there this morning, though the living one was turned around and probably still trying vainly to rouse its mate. They're gone now (9:45 am). Someone removed the dead bird. I don't know if the living one his hanging out near its dead companion or has moved on.

What's the protocol when you come across a bird mourning for its dead mate? Do you pass by and leave it to its grief? Do you remove the dead carcass as a health hazard? Do you rescue the living one? Do you say it's just a bird and unworthy of even these few words I have written?

Rest in Peace.

Leaving Iraq?

I see in the news that some 24 Wisconsin towns, in a non-binding referendum, voted that the US should withdraw its troops from Iraq immediately. This vote was conducted as part of a sense of the people initiative to give ordinary folks the chance to voice their opinion on the war.

The result is not surprising. I doubt that any serious (that is, backed by money) effort to get out a support the war vote occurred, since the vote itself was a meaningless exercise. (Kind of like this blog is a meaningless exercise.) National polls also show that ever increasing majorities of Americans feel the war is not going well, that there is no exit strategy, that there is little hope for success--measured in reduced violence, increased security, increased stability, and a rebuilt (or rebuilding) Iraq--and that the US is losing people to no good purpose.

I was never really comfortable with the war. I'm not comfortable with the notion of preemptive war unless the threat is clear AND present AND immediate; none of those conditions was fully met in the run-up to the war. And all of the rationales for the war given by the President and his administration before the war turned out not to be based in fact. At best, we acted too hastily on questionable intelligence and without a clear plan for the post invasion period.

Yet, I do not favor pulling out. We created this situation, and we need to find a way to fix it. Pulling out will not fix anything in Iraq, in the Middle East, or in the world in general. Too many nations and groups whose interests are antithetical to our own legitimate national interests will consider a precipitous pullout as yet another sign of the intrinsic weakness of the American system. A pullout will give them comfort that if they are just patient enough they can counter US military power. It happened in Korea, Vietnam, Lebanon, and Somalia, and they believe it will happen again in Iraq. Because Iraq is a mess that will take a long time, and more bloodshed, to clean up.

What is missing from this war, and what has been missing from all of America's conflicts since the end of WWII, is a sense that the American people have something at stake personally. This war does not touch the average American in any way other than news about it. The average American doesn't know anyone serving in the military, isn't worried about having the war come home to them in any way, and doesn't have to sacrifice anything immediate and tangible to the war effort. We have no rationing; we make no budgetary sacrifices; there are no rallies or parades. Nothing is really done to get the people involved.

Ask any American what he or she can do for the war effort, and I'm sure the answer is either "I don't know" or "nothing." Even those opposed to the war have no tools to effect change in policy. Yet we risk making the world less safe is we leave Iraq now. We give comfort and hope to Al Qaeda, North Korea, Iran, anybody who opposes us and hates us if we leave. And we put additional fear in the hearts of those who look to us for their defense that we really won't be there for them in a crunch.

And, finally, speaking as a Vietnam Veteran, who went through the pain of having his country turn their back on the sacrifices his generation made, in America's name and at America's command, we cannot do that to the men and women serving today or to the memory of their fallen comrades. We asked them to undertake this war. In the last election for President, we supported the politicians who sent them in our name. We cannot honor their sacrifices by leaving until the job is done. Not again. We must get effective leadership for our military, an effective plan for successfully ending the conflict and bringing peace to Iraq, and effective execution of that plan.

To do less is to hasten the day when we need our military to protect us, but our military says they won't go because they no longer trust us with their lives.

Health & Politics

In one sense, I'm not sleeping well. That sense is that I continue to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. That means I'm still struggling with my sleep apnea. On the other hand, I'm feeling more rested than I was, even with the nightly interruption. Today, as yesterday, I feel that I have good energy and a relatively positive outlook on life. I can't help but credit the new antidepressant for this overall better feeling. Obviously, I need both treatments for my continued health and well-being. Neither alone seems to do the trick.

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I see that Tom DeLay is going to resign his House seat. Pay no attention to what he says his reasons are (for the good of the party; to keep the seat in Republican hands by making the election in his district about policy not personality; or whatever). The truth of the matter is that had he continued his campaign, he was going to lose. The corruption scandals, both in Washington and in Texas and both involving him and his office and tactics, are what has ended his political career.

As the year unfolds, expect to see him convicted on the current charges in Texas and indicted in the Abramhoff scandal in Washington. The latter situation has already brought guilty pleas from two people who worked in his office and were close to him. He will be convicted, and he will be sent to prison.

His actions are his attempt, at the request of influential Republicans, to distance his problems from the Republican party. That shows a level of desperation by the incumbent Republicans that we haven't seen since they began to take power in 1994 with the Gingrich revolution.

At that time, the Republicans took control of the House because of the corruption of the incumbent Democrats, who had maintained all but the briefest of control over Congress since FDR and the New Deal. The Republicans promised to eliminate both corruption and waste in Washington. Not only have they failed to deliver, they have also proved even more adept than the Democrats at corruption. It won't be better under the Democrats, but a bit of churn in politics is the only way to at least keep the worst instances of corruption at bay from time to time.

If It Ain't One Thing...

...it's another, you know? I was feeling much better, as you know, on my new antidepressant. Then, in the middle of last week I began feeling weak and tired. It wasn't the same kind of tired as I was feeling on the old medication. It was more like I had run a mile, and my legs felt like they were about to give out. I also had a couple bouts of feeling very hot and sweaty as I sat working quietly, and my work is not such as to cause one to work up a sweat. Then I had chills.

Wednesday afternoon was when this started. Thursday was worse. I thought about going home at one point. By Friday morning, when I woke up late, I was sure I was getting some bug or another. I stayed home Friday and did nothing. I did a little bit, but not much on Saturday. For example, I tried to walk the dogs, but I only got a couple of blocks before I began to feel worn out. So we turned back.

Sunday was better. I managed to walk the dogs the full mile. After a nap, I was able to do some needed shopping.

I also re-checked the side effects of the medicine, and there I saw that fatigue was one of them. My wife takes the same medication, though in a stronger dosage, and she said she'd had the problem of extreme fatigue when she started it. In her case, the doctor had to add another medicine, an anti-narcoleptic, to counter the fatigue.

Interestingly, today I have felt fine. I woke up on time and feeling rested, and I've felt generally fine at work today. Maybe that was just a passing problem, not to be repeated. I hope so. And I plan to talk to my doctor on Thursday and see what he thinks.

Golf season is upon me, and I need my energy to play, and I fully intend to play. I may not be very good--I shoot right around 100 for 18 holes--but I enjoy the exercise--I walk whenever possible--getting outside, and relaxing. Equally important to me is I want my energy back so I can enjoy life.

The struggle continues.